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I love hammering gold, silver, copper, brass, and bronze into amazing textured custom rings, custom wedding rings, engagement rings, and other unique artisan jewelry.  I have an extensive selection of men's and women's rings, along with gemstone and pearl jewelry in my SilverSmack shop on Etsy.  Please stop in and take a look.

A Poem I wrote

Beyond Semi-precious

Lapidolite, Dumorterite, Iolite

even the sedimentary syllables shine


nutured by nature

colored by the earth

flecked
mottled
dappled

fossilized blooms

petrified sunsets

envelop me

Click on my banner to visit my shop.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Givin' Me a Heart Attack!





I'm pretty tough, but ultimately my demise will be caused by something very common and, I may add, harmless to most. I can handle gunshots, firecrackers, cannons, and the occasional thunderclap, but my heart literally tries to bust through my sternum when one of those tubes of cinnamon rolls or biscuits pops open and I'm not physically, mentally, and psychologically prepared. I feel like a heart attack is imminent. I just can NOT take it. Who designed this torturous packaging? Why are they designed to scare the CRAP out of me? How many customers do they lose to heart attacks every year? It can NOT be a good marketing ploy. It's ok if I tear it a bit and hit it on the counter, so I decide when IT happens, but if it happens unexpectedly, I'm in for some serious hurt.
Another household item that may be found next to my lifeless body: the toaster. That evil little box shoots that toast out of there with a vengeance. I can't stand it. Scares me every single time. I wish there was a way to know when it was going to come out, so I could prepare. But, no. It just has to be a bone chilling surprise every time.
The next one is disguised as an innocent children's toy: The jack-in-the-box. I do not know who ever decided that this was fun or at all entertaining because every time that insane-looking clown thing pops out of that box, I'm sure my lifespan was shortened by at least five years. It's only saving grace is, I know when it's coming. It's always during the "Pop!" part of the "Pop! Goes the Weasel" song, so I could prepare myself.
Last, but not least is the game "Perfection." It is nerve wracking and will cause your heart to go into fibrillation. You push down the platform and you have sixty seconds to get all these weird little shapes into their proper places places or they pop up RIGHT IN YOUR FACE! If that doesn't cause any heart irregularities, I don't know what will. And you are concentrating so hard on completing the task that you don't look at the timer and BAM!

12 comments:

FaerieRebecca said...

We love the whomp sound of cinnamon rolls :) We call them "whomp biscuits". But it's stepping on the Perfection pieces that will kill you LOL

Made By Tammy said...

Your Blog is Great!

You always make me LOL!

MorganAlexaDesigns said...

You are too funny for words...I hate clowns 'cause of the jack in the box I had as a kid.

beadstylin said...

SO TRUE about those stoooopid biscuits...even tho' I know it's coming, I still jump outta my skin every time they pop open. Oh, this is just so funny cuz it's true. I am SO gonna send you a link that has something to do with this! -- Jeannie

storybeader said...

that's too funny. we don't have a toaster anymore - just one of those toaster-ovens, and they calmly ring. Maybe you should get one {:-Deb

Alorinna said...

clowns and jack-in-the-boxes always scared the hell out of me. And yeah, I don't know why, but I always BRACE myself and squint my eyes when waiting for the stupid biscuit thing.

Waterrose said...

Sounds like you don't like noisy surprises. But I agree with the biscuts cans....everytime I open one I hold my breath and get tense.

Mindless Pursuits said...

You made my morning when I read this!

Evil cinnamon rolls and biscuits will get you every time! Of course, which is worse, when they have that nice crisp pop or when they fail to pop at all and you have to pry them apart? ;)

Lily - Tulip's Talking from the said...

YOU are a great writer. Had my attention almost to the very end when the dog just into the chair behind me at this desk and I had to finish writing from the ceiling!!!

Even your commentors are funny..."whomp biscuits"...and Mindless...well, LingOL...

Lily

Cecelia said...

So funny, and so true! I was just thinking about that yesterday when my grandson wanted me to make some biscuits with sausage and cheese inside.

jenscloset said...

You have a great imagination! Very funny blog!
I just came up with another idea for a story-these stupid "word verification" things that you supposed to copy and usually I can't even read them!

Bear Chick said...

I'm getting better at biscuit whomping. For years I made my husband do it while I cowered in the corner. Glad to know it's not just me!